Would you love to find a perfect gentleman? Would you even recognise him if you saw one?
We're talking ‘Open Door Policies” today! I hear it so often; “I'd love to find a perfect gentleman but I never meet any” or “there are no gentlemen left” or “there's no such thing as a gentleman”. It's a modern thing and as I've got older I hear it more and more often.
A quick rekkie on Google and it seems that mostly the ladies would love a gentleman, but he has to be a gentleman with a modern twist.
Dating in the 21st century isn't as easy for the guys as it used to be. Once upon a time back in the olden days men knew where they stood. They knew the rules and, as men generally like structure, they found it easy to navigate the courting rituals of our grandparents.
Back in those golden days men opened doors for a lady, they ordered her food in restaurants, they took her coat and pulled out her chair, they arrived for a date on time and walked her home at the end of the evening to make sure she was safe etc.
What's the difference now, though?
If you want to find a perfect gentleman it's important to know what's different now compared to back in the good old days. For a start, we've had a bit of a revolution. Over the past 50 or so years women have gained greater independence and a level of sexual freedom they've never before experienced. It's a crazy world out there for women right now; they can be, do and have anything they want! With all this extra freedom comes a level of power women haven't had before either.
The problem with all this new found sexual and personal freedom is that many women have adopted a more controlling and confident persona, to the extent where they resent the interference of a man even to the point of admonishing him for opening a door.
I've spoken to so many men who've had their head bitten off for holding the door open for a woman. I think that's a very sad state of affairs. My mum always says that good manners cost nothing, and that holding the door open (for anyone) is polite. So if women are getting annoyed with men for being polite it's no surprise that more and more men are simply choosing not to bother. Can't we go back to accepting that opening the door for you is simple good manners, and that it isn't an attack on your ability to open your own door?
Why would we encourage others to forgo good manners?
I've no idea why a lot of women don't want men to open doors for them. I guess it's similar to why some women don't mind getting booty call texts in the wee small hours or why some women are happy to be groped in public by men they barely know. I wonder if it's all tied up with the personal and sexual revolution? As women find their new place in the modern world I ask myself if they're possibly testing boundaries; like toddlers.
I believe that if we continue to encourage a breakdown of good manners then we'll have more to worry about as women than if we'd worked towards finding a more collaborative approach to redefining gender roles.
For me, the crucial bit is that if women want to find a perfect gentleman then they simply have to set the bar higher and then allow men to be gentlemen. That way you'll not only attract a gentleman but you'll find it easier to keep him too.
Respect yourself enough to encourage good manners. Be gracious when anyone holds the door open for you and be glad that the women who went before you fought hard for the freedoms you now enjoy.
5 Gentlemanly rules for the modern day man:
- hold the door open for your date (if she yells at you, I'm guessing she's not the one for you)
- you don't need to order her food, unless she tells you what she wants (I personally love it when GLH orders my meal, but he wouldn't choose my food)
- open the car door for your date (especially welcomed by sensible women when it's raining!)
- pay for the meal (especially on the first date)
- always have a compliment ready
I'm excited about the future. I can't wait to see what happens as we develop better partnerships with men. I know that together we can create a much better life.
What came up for you as you read this post? Did you think I was talking crazy or were you fully in agreement? DO you have an Open Door Policy (LOL) if so, let me know!! Please leave your comments below and don't forget to subscribe to my newsletter for random offers and interesting asides.
Until next time, be awesome!