OK I'll admit it, the headline is misleading! This article isn't about second hand clothes, nor is it about borrowing other peoples clothes. In fact it really has nothing to do with clothes at all. So what have other peoples clothes got to do with this article? This article is all about the opinions we have of ourselves. How those opinions are partly based on the the way other people treat us. This is an article about low self esteem and how a re-frame can help you overcome it.
I was chatting with a client the other day and we were talking about low self esteem. She told me that she feels rejected when men don't want to meet up with her. Her biggest fear is she will be alone forever… Forever is a very long time, and if I were a betting person, I'd say the odds of being alone FOREVER were slim. However, for this lady it's a real prospect that she believes she can't shake.
According to my client, the thoughts, believes and feelings we have about ourselves all stem from how we are brought up. Well, I thought, that old chestnut.
The nature versus nurture argument?
yes, it has it's place, but if you want to let go of the things that hold you back you have to be open to other ideas. Now is the time to look at re-framing low self esteem so that you can begin to banish it.
- What if you were the master of your own destiny?
- What if all the things that have happened to you, or been said to you are just like items of clothing?
- What if you could choose to take off the items that you didn't like?
- What if you could take off the items that were weighing you down?
Here's a quick exercise to overcome low self esteem that you can try at home one evening:
- Sit comfortably and close your eyes.
- Slow your breathing.
- Feel yourself begin to relax.
- Picture yourself wearing lots and lots of overcoats. See the overcoats piled up on top of you.
- Imagine that underneath the overcoats there are layers and layers of tops, skirts, dresses, trousers.
- Look at them and imagine that each one is a negative thought, comment or opinion that you have about yourself.
- See that these have been given to you by your life experiences to date – eg family, colleagues, friends, society, advertising, etc.
- Now begin to identify the individual items.
- Ask yourself what the clothing is, who gave it to you or did you give it to yourself?
- When you know where it came from, imagine yourself taking it off and putting it in a big bag.
- Work your way through as many items as you feel you can in one sitting. There are no right or wrong numbers, do what's right for you!
- The goal is to shed all of the items that don't fit you, suit you or make you feel amazing!
- When you feel that you've got rid of enough for the time being, imagine that you are picking up the bag and handing it over to a launderette who will wash it and send it for recycling.
- Know that the items are gone and that you can now move on feeling lighter and more positive.
- Take a few moments to come back to the room, feel the chair you are sitting in and become aware of your breathing.
- Open your eyes.
- Take a few moments to awaken fully.
- Have a glass of water and congratulate yourself.
YOUR opinion of you is all that matters really. You are worthy of a great relationship and you are the one who decides if you will be alone forever. The first step is to decide that the effort of changing your current situation is better than the pain of staying where you are.