What can you do to help you keep your relationship strong?
How do you know if your relationship is about to fail? What can you do about it to stop it form failing before its too late?
I like to use quick memory aids to help my clients understand their relationship and the stage at which they're at. This is an introduction to one that I use for clients who aren't sure if they should leave their current partner. This mnemonic is one of the first tests we look at to determine where the client's relationship is and how much work might be required to save it if that's what they really want to do.
The test is a four step process and the easiest way to remember it is to think of whether or not your relationship is about to F.A.I.L
The four signs that your relationship could be about to fail are:
Are you feeling any of these?
Usually it begins with frustration. You ‘feel' that there is something wrong with your relationship but perhaps you can't put your finger on it. You struggle to work out what's really going wrong. You try to fix it but without knowing or understanding the problem your attempts look like ‘nit-picking' or ‘moaning'. Your feelings of frustration gradually build until you feel angry. When the anger gets hold of you it works to disarm you and as a result you'll begin to feel more and more insecure. The final step are feelings of loneliness, even when you're with your partner it will feel as though you are two separate people in the same space.
To find out more about the steps or the tests you can use to help you manage things why not check out the post I wrote for Your Tango which goes in to greater detail about the four stages.
The YourTango post was also published in SELF if you'd prefer to check it out there instead.