Dating Rules – Etiquette – Don't Stand Up, Show Up!
Have you been stood up by someone? How did it make you feel?
I can't believe I'm having to write a post to bang on about why people shouldn't stand up their date… But then I used to work with companies who told me that interviewees used to ‘stand them up' all the time too. So, it's not just dating where people either can't be bothered to show up or just change their minds.
What's the deal with the whole ‘No-Show' thing?
I get it, you make a date with someone; possibly you say yes just to stop them from asking you out all the time. You arrange a time and a location but all the time that you're making the arrangements you're thinking “I don't want to go out with you”. Sometimes it can seem easier to say yes to a date than to say no to a date.
Let me stop you right there – this is never easier!
Also, it's never “nicer” to say yes and then stand the person up either.
Do you find it hard to say NO?
If you find yourself saying yes when you really want to be saying no, read on. Here are some good ways to say no to a date:
- I'm actually just starting to date again so I'm going to have to say no to you.
- I'm sorry, you seem really interesting but I'm not attracted to you.
- I'm sorry, you're a great looking guy but I don't feel that spark/connection with you.
- Thanks but I have my eye on someone else right now and I don't want to ruin my chances.
- Thanks but no thanks.
That's just 5 ways you can say no to a date. The reality is that we care about others and we don't like to hurt peoples feelings (well, most of us do…). For many people this results in making up excuses or lies e.g. using number 1. above when actually you haven't been dating for ages and you're actively still looking for someone. Is it wrong to do this??? You have to make your own call on this question. As for me, if it was a toss up between using answer number 1. and being rude then I'd rather you said number 1. to the person who asked you out.
I do believe that we should each be free to say no to someone if we aren't interested in them. We shouldn't have to make up excuses about why we “can't” go out with them. The key is to practice being assertive, which gets easier over time. There'll always be someone who won't take no for an answer but in the main people will understand when you say no with respect.
There are some basic rules out there that apply to dating (and job interviews) and they are as follows:
- Only make appointments that you intend to keep
- Show up; don't stand up the person you're supposed to meet
- Be friendly, courteous and interested (note I said interested and not interesting!) during the date
- Be honest if you're asked out again (if you aren't interested, say so, politely)
- Don't publicly shame people that you aren't interested in
This is a very short list but I think if you try and stick to them you won't go far wrong.
We all have problems crop up that alter our plans from time to time, if you have to let a date down try and do it in good time. No-one wants to be stood up by anyone!
What to do if you're stood up by someone:
Firstly, try not to get angry, no matter how awkward you are feeling about being stood up. If you find yourself getting angry go for a brisk walk round the block and give yourself a good talking to. It's not your fault that you were stood up! You can be ticked off, disappointed, mildly irritated, actually annoyed at the rudeness but don't let the anger boil up and become an issue for you. Right now anyone who can see you waiting will be feeling more than a little sorry for you. If you think it sucks to know people feel sorry for you, think again. Be glad that there are people, even strangers, who can empathise with your current situation. Trust me, we've all been there. Instead, be glad that they aren't all pointing fingers and laughing at you instead.
Once you get your head (mindset) straight, go grab a takeaway or a drink or meet some friends. Do something that will change the memory for you. Then you can begin to forget about what happened. I'm guessing you'll already have sent several “where the heck are you?” messages but if not, send one more saying “sorry we missed each other, let me know if you'd like to reschedule” and then leave it at that. Don't chase, don't send them hate texts or leave crappy regrettable voicemail messages, just park it.
If you never hear from the person again you'll know it wasn't an accident that you were stood up by them and you'll be able to move straight on to the next (and hopefully more worthy and less rude) potential love match.
On the other hand the person might have had an emergency or lapse of memory or they may have been abducted by aliens… whatever their reason, if they get in touch again you can play it by ear and decide if you want to chance another date. Your call 🙂
So, there you have it. That's all for today folks! Have a great day!
If you have any comments about today's topic of being stood up by someone, please leave them in the comments field below. I'd also love it if you shared my post far and wide too (huge thanks in advance!), go on, click that share button, you know you want to… 🙂