What is it about women? The shocking truth from matchmakers perspective!
I was in LA recently meeting lots and lots of fabulous matchmakers. It was a blast! (You can read more about my trip HERE.) It was fantastic to be learning from and networking with some of the industries most celebrated matchmakers. We chatted about a huge range of topics but one recurring discussion surprised me most of all: are our clients male or female or both? I was shocked by what I heard. It seems that around 70% of the matchmakers in the room said they didn't take on female clients… yes, you heard that right. WOW, really???? I know, crazy, right!!
It took a little while (two days to be honest) before anyone actually asked why those matchmakers were only taking on male clients. For my part I guess I was just thinking ‘well perhaps they prefer working with men' or ‘perhaps men have more disposable income so can pay the fees' or ‘perhaps they like to support other women by adding them to their databases for free' but then I began to wonder if there was some other substantial reason that would make a matchmaker choose to work only with male clients.
What ‘not so good' reason could a matchmaker have for not taking on paying female clients?
I figured that as a matchmaker it was not really that different whether you were working with male clients or female clients. I couldn't see any logical business reason why you'd want to exclude half of the population as paying clients. Then some of us began to ask questions…
The first to speak up was Ms R who is fiercely determined to help women over the age of 40yrs find true love. She's a sparky feminist type. She hates that women are left on the shelf past a ‘certain' age and she wants to make a difference (Ms R is awesome and she's destined for greatness!)
Then as we began to dig a little deeper it became clear… the reason that many matchmakers only take on paying male clients is because… wait for it… women are “challenging” (some of the descriptions included the terms: difficult, argumentative, rude, awkward, opinionated, stroppy… the list goes on, but you get my drift here).
How sad, that women have become so hard to work with that even the matchmaker will avoid taking them on as a client 🙁
Where does that leave women though and how can they still benefit from the matchmaking experience?
If women aren't being taken on as paying clients, they're still being added for free to matchmakers databases and that has to be good, yes? In this respect they're doing really well out of it. They get to be a potential match for each of the male clients that the matchmaker has on their books. The downside to this is that they are a small fish in a very large pond (most matchmakers have very large databases of free female potential matches) which means those women are having to compete with every other single woman in the database every time a male client walks in through the door.
I work with female clients right now, and I have a great time. Is my experience unusual? No, I'm sure it's not, because if it were true women would be struggling to find anyone to do anything… I'd also like to think that there are the same number of awkward male clients as there are awkward female clients. Surely women don't get to have the monopoly on being “challenging”?
Most likely it was just the demographic of matchmakers that we had in the room that day, and it's in no way indicative of matchmaking as a whole industry. It did make me think though.
What's the way forward?
I think we all have to take a step back and ask ourselves what we want from life. If we want love and we want to hire a matchmaker to help us find it then it's in our best interests to be the best version of ourselves throughout the process. If we can't manage this at the matching stage then in reality we're unlikely to manage it when we're in a relationship (especially when the relationship hits inevitable difficulties). If you're a woman who finds herself being demanding, awkward, difficult in any part of your life it might be a sign that you need to take a step back and remember what it was that made your heart sign. I truly believe that when we're happy we can't also be “challenging” and sometimes we have to go back to basics in order to rediscover that spark of happiness so that we can remember who we really are. Nothing can be gained or held on to if we fight.
So, as I draw this post to a close I'm saying: here's to matchmakers who challenge the status quo and welcome the women clients who are ready for love and are willing to make it happen <3 You ladies rock and I for one feel blessed to work with you.
As always, if you've enjoyed this post I would love to see you share it. Please leave a comment too; I'd love to know what your thoughts are about working with women.
Until next time…